So, the new semester is in full swing, and it seems like it will be better than last semester (which is good). Classes are not too bad (so far) and it is nice to be back with my friends. In other news, my band, Sleep Set (www.myspace.com/sleepset), is going into the studio over the next week, week and a half, to record a five song demo/EP type deal. It should be fun, and I can't wait for people to start hearing what we've been playing. So that's pretty cool.

Ok, now that the recap's over, on to my recent thoughts.

Last night at the RUF Super Bowl party, I was sitting near some people that went to high school and/or church with me. We started talking about high school in general, and then we moved on to youth groups at our churches and how the churches were doing now. Looking back on my years in youth group now, I realized that youth group had a lot to do with the person I am right now. Our youth group was basically a revolving door for youth pastors and interim pastors and no leaders, which made us really self-reliant. We pretty much ran everything and had nobody pouring back into us. (Now, that's not to say that we didn't have Sunday School teachers and people supervising us on Wednesdays or speakers or anything. And there were a couple people that did everything they could and probably more than they should for us, but they had "real" jobs and couldn't devote time or energy overall. And I am more than grateful to those who were there for us.) After having this conversation and hearing about what had happened at my friend's church, I realized how much negative influence those years have had on my life.

I was so burnt out after high school, that I have never since been able to fully give myself to anything.

Our numbers in youth group fell so much that I am terrified of being the person in a leadership position.

Not having an adult to lean on has made me untrusting of the people in charge of the different things that I'm involved with.

All these things kinda became clear after talking with my friends last night. And I'm not trying to make excuses or explain away my actions or saying that those are the sole causes of my behavior - I just want to be held accountable for trying to change those things about me. I don't want to live the rest of my life with all of that hanging over my head. So, please, tell me step out and trust God. Call me out if I try to do something halfway. Help me be the man God wants me to be.

One other thing I learned from youth group is that friends will always be there for you. So I thank God for my friends. For the real, deep, lasting relationships that I have been given. For the people who know who I am and hang out with me anyway. Thank you.